Finally crawling out of the fog. Feeling pretty okay today. Still coughing so at this point I’m convinced it’s an infection. Will try again to get a primary doc on Monday. Probably not going to kick this without antibiotics.
Anywho, I’m currently in the airport, two hours early. Greece was just invaded again in my novel and these two siblings are definitely about to do the dirty. Don’t judge me; it’s a Pulitzer prize winning novel.
Saw Sarina last night (hi Sarina) and per usual, she helped me see things more clearly and offered actionable advice on potential next steps. Here’s the thing: I dropped out of an ivy league university following sexual assault and untreated, severe depression and anxiety. I failed all my classes the semester before I left which means I did not leave in “good standing” with the university. Now, two years later, this may prevent me from successfully transferring to a new university. The admissions officer I spoke with at USF suggested I try to “resolve the issue” with my last university before applying for transfer. I never reported my assault. Never even told my mom – and I tell her everything. To reverse the status of my standing with Columbia, I would have to report the assault and explain how that led to the crippling depression that led to my failed grades and to my absolute inability to survive another semester there. Then the validity of my experience would be evaluated by who knows how many people and departments. I will have relive my trauma in retelling it to these people I’ll never met. My experience and my future will be vulnerable to and dependent upon the judgement of administrators and staff at an institution that failed to help me when I needed it most. They will be tasked with determining whether my experience warrants reversing my status and securing my academic future.
Regardless of how all this plays out, I will get my degree. I’m getting better every day at managing my mental health and overall wellbeing. I’m getting better at doing things for me. For once I’m confident that I’ll make it work.
What else… last night we talked briefly about love and “soulmates”. I believe that we have tons of potential soulmates. Timing determines who we “end up with”. I could meet a potential soulmate today, but it may not be the right time for us to meet and so that pairing will never come to fruition [unless we meet again at the”right” time and place]. I’ll work on this theory and bring it back another time. Any relationship also depends on each partners commitment and yada yada and on limitless other, ever-changing factors. Imho.
Remember when I asked for recommendations? Here’s one for you: Westworld on HBO. I’m only 2 episodes in but MAN.
Alright. I’m going to grab a coffee and browse the ever-predictable airport gift shops.