Revised Benefits

Well that didn’t last long. If this goes south, I’ll know it was my own damn fault.

But now we are “exclusive” friends with benefits and he apparently doesn’t talk to his ex about feelings and “[doesn’t] plan to start”. He says they don’t talk often and when they do it’s just small talk. I’d feel better about her if she knew about me. But whatever. She doesn’t even live in this state. I know I deserve more/better. We could have a whole long conversation on my feelings about whether anyone deserves anything, but another time.
Maybe it’s unhealthy and naive, but for now I’ll take what I can get. I feel happy when I’m with him. And safe. Comfortable is no longer entirely true because I know now how much more I care for him than he does for me. I suppose that’s the case in just about any relationship but we don’t normally admit it to each other. I appreciate his honesty. He didn’t have to tell me about her. That’s a low standard but let’s face it, most would not have. Especially since we’re not really together.

Anyways, I’m hesitant. But less sad.

We’ll see.


❤ Grace


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